I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
