Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm passing your future prison.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
