3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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