Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
