Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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