i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
