i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
