Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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