Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
