the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
