Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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