Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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