Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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