LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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