Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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