Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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