exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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