In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
