i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We had sex on a dog bed..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
