I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize