ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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