The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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