did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
