This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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