my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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