did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize