just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
