nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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