Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
