Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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