new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
