Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
