the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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