I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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