what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I need moral support for this bender
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize