I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
