Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
