Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
