I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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