if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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