there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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