I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
