Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
