chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The best revenge is premature balding
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
