Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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