I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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