she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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