Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
