I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
