well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
