How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
