I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
