Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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