you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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