Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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