I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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