My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
