I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
