please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
