I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize