thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
