i don't like sucking hair
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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