I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize