Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
