if i can run in heels then i can drive
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
