I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
