Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
