if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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